Your gut doesn’t have an agenda. It’s not political, it’s not jealous, it’s not petty. Your gut is not attached to any particular outcome. Your gut doesn’t care what other people think.
That’s why it’s your most reliable and honest friend, the only thing you should turn to for advice and the one thing you should never ignore.
Your gut is the purest, most concentrated form of your own personal intuition and it always tells you if something is a good or a bad idea. It will tell you that whether you want to hear it or not, even if your head or your heart (or both) aren’t in agreement.
Sometimes your gut will tell you something that doesn’t make any sense at all. Don’t take that lucrative job offer. Don’t jump at that seemingly amazing opportunity. Don’t go on a second date with the guy who’s perfect on paper. It’s trying to save you time and heartache – don’t ignore it.
Sometimes your gut will tell you to go for something that seems utterly crazy. Quit your job and follow your dream – you’re going to make it. Marry that man, trust me, you’re ready. Jump on a plane and see where it takes you – somewhere good, I promise. It’s trying to push you to be amazing – don’t ignore it.
Your gut won’t steer you wrong. It will take you to exactly where you need to be, even if it’s not where you expected or hoped. If you have a decision to make, don’t call every friend and family member under the sun – don’t solicit advice on Facebook or consult with every expert you can think of. There’s only one thing you need to listen to – and it’s already a part of you. Don’t ignore it.
]]>Morning Darling Lovelies! Did you catch part one of our epic Dartmoor shoot on the blog yesterday? Yes? Good. Read on. No? Shimmy over and have a glance before embarking on part two of our Dartmoor adventure.
As you may have already read, Maddy and I teamed up with lovely hair stylist Danielle from The Parlour London, make-up artist and YouTube personality, Klaire de Lys and photographer Fiona Kelly to create two looks in the knotted forests and on the rolling moors and tors of Dartmoor. We used beautiful feather and flower accessories kindly lent to us by Rouge Pony.
Part two of the shoot saw us take to the open moors, where we shot in the fading light among the gorse and heather. Again, this was one of the places on Dartmoor I used to frequently stop with my dad to take pictures and enjoy the peace and quiet (and the wild ponies)! The theme this time around was much more Darling Lovely Life and a return to the pretty pastels and lovely fabrics we adore so much! I’ll let you enjoy the pictures now – please tune in tomorrow for the final instalment.
Check back tomorrow for a behind-the-scenes recap of how we put the looks together, where we stayed on Dartmoor and what we got up to!
]]>Dartmoor is a very special place to me. It’s where I used to go with my dad, who passed away around a year and a half ago. Whenever he visited me at university in Exeter (which was often – impromptu visits and anything-can-happen adventures) we would drive up onto the moors, discover new places, take photographs and just spend time together.
They are some of the happiest memories of my life.
So when it came time to update our brand imagery for Darling Lovely Life, there was no place more obvious to me than Dartmoor – it is where I left a big chunk of my heart.
I wanted to make the credits really prominent, because this amazing team of people deserves so much acknowledgement and praise – but please read the full post below to find out more about the incredible artists involved with the shoot.
Quick credits
The hair was artfully created by the absolutely incredible Danielle of adorable vintage-inspired Chiswick hair salon, The Parlour London. I’ve worked with The Parlour London on a number of projects and events now, and they always deliver the absolute best.
Makeup was by the epic talent that is YouTube personality, artist Klaire de Lys. We were so very lucky to have her on the shoot, she is one of those unbelievable neverending sources of creativity and she was such a joy to work with.
The accessories (flower crowns and feather epaulettes) were kindly lent to us by Rouge Pony, whose Etsy store had us absolutely swooning – we were prepared to beg! The beautiful gold jewellery was provided by none other than Maddy’s husband Simon’s business, Noble’s Treasures.
And last but by no means least, the photography – Fiona Kelly Photography Fiona did the most phenomenal job. I’ve known Fiona for a long time but I’ve never had the pleasure of working with her before, and what a pleasure it was. Fiona was a pro from start to finish, directing and snapping with ease, good humour and an artistic eye and integrity that really is second to none. The results speak for themselves.
Oh, and of course, Maddy is in grey and I’m in black! Enjoy!
You may be wondering where the pretty pastel colours that are hallmarks of this blog have gone – don’t worry, you’ll see them in part two. I wanted to do a photoshoot that meant something – and to create pieces of art and beautiful images that not only honour those amazing memories, but that show the world that you don’t have to be a skinny, six foot glamazon to be fierce, that editorial-style photography and unique style isn’t just the privilege of the few.
So I planned one epic shoot in two parts: dark and light. The darkness, because there’s still a lot of grief there – it didn’t feel right just to head to Dartmoor and swirl around the moors in pretty dresses without addressing the pain of the loss. The first half of the shoot is more sombre, with muted, dark colours, shot in eerie Wistman’s Wood, which I first discovered on a rainy, dreary walk with my dad back in 2009. I’ll never forget how we got soaked through trying to find it, and how we dried our socks on the car heater afterwards, lamenting how mad we both were but that it was worth it.
I asked Danielle of The Parlour London to create some big, avant garde hair – I believe the brief was dragged through a hedge backwards – but FASHION! Despite my ramblings, Danielle took the brief and absolutely nailed it – a true perfectionist and a delight to work with. We were also so lucky to have the lovely Jackie, owner of The Parlour London, and her husband Will on site to help with the direction of the shoot and styling.
Then there was the make up. While there was a loose brief, I asked Klaire to really go to town and give us looks that would bring out our best features and match the editorial theme of the shoot. Klaire was just amazing, creating gorgeous looks that we were all thrilled with, and being on hand the whole day to blot, reapply and generally be a wonderful person to have around. Not only that, but she was filming away the whole weekend, capturing the behind-the-scenes shoot magic! I can’t wait to see her video!
Working with Fiona was nothing short of delightful. What a photographer! As well as working in difficult, dappled light, being constantly mindful of the difficult terrain and working with two gals who aren’t pro models, Fiona had to contend with my allergies, which left my eyes streaming and swollen for much of the day. Fiona directed the shoot with such skill, an incredibly reassuring demeanour and a stealth that can only be described as “ninja”. I never felt self-conscious or uncomfortable and I was so thrilled with the results she produced!
And finally, here’s a little outtake sneak peek from part 2, which will be blogged tomorrow!
]]>These last couple of months have been quite difficult. There has been a long illness and sad passing in my family. However, one thing that has been reaffirmed a million times over is the importance of having the right people around you – not just at a difficult time (although it really helps) but all the time.
Having the right people around you will guarantee you a much happier, easier and less stressful life – so how do you find your people? And how do you know when a relationship is no longer good for you?
No more frenemies. No more friends you suspect secretly want you to fail and no more friends you’d happily see fall flat on their face. These kinds of toxic relationships do nothing for your happiness. The first step to surrounding yourself with amazing people is to stop making time for people who don’t deserve your time. Stop letting these dynamics become your norm and make room for something much better in your life.
In my experience, people have enough trouble getting rid of negative voices in their heads without having negative voices in their ear too. Friends who criticise, ridicule or make you feel bad aren’t real friends. There’s a difference between honesty because you care and cruelty because you’re bitter. Good friends will encourage you when you doubt yourself – they’ll tell you you’re wonderful when you don’t believe it yourself. True friends accept you the way you are and love you anyway!
When the going gets really tough, true friends don’t disappear – they pick up the phone. If you have a friend who runs for the hills every time something awful happens in your life, then they may not be the best person to have around you.
Your friends aren’t your supporting cast, they’re your friends. That means that you’re there for them as much as they’re there for you and vice versa. If you have a friend who’s always dumping their problems on you without a care for how you’re doing then it may be time to ditch.
Whenever I talk to one of my good friends, I come away feeling happy and positive – no matter what the content of the conversation was. When someone is on your wavelength, is supportive, cares as much about you as you do about them and doesn’t try to tear you down, you will always come away from an interaction with them feeling wonderful. And that’s the way it should be!
Are you surrounded by awesome people? Have you started to cut out people who make you feel bad about yourself? Thoughts are always welcome in the comment box!
]]>Wars, misery and worldwide woe – add these global issues together with your everyday problems and suddenly life can feel a little overwhelming. I’m not a mental health professional, and if you think you can’t cope I strongly advise that you seek help and advice from somebody qualified – but if you’re just feeling a little bit like the walls of the world are closing in on you, then here are some tips that will help you start to feel like you again.
When you can’t see the wood for the trees…
Doom, gloom and suffering – just what you need when you’re already feeling overwhelmed. I’m not saying you shouldn’t care about global affairs, of course you should, nor that you should live in a bubble. However, being constantly sad about things happening at home or overseas that you can’t change won’t help humanity. Moreover, in the age of social media, we’re bombarded with sad stories 24/7 – people share and share and share again, and we can end up fixating: it’s not healthy.
If you’re starting to feel like you can’t cope with one more thing going wrong, then turn off the news. Turn it off for a day, a week, however long you need to start recovering some positivity.
I just touched on how the news and social media are intrinsically linked – it’s hard to turn off the news completely when you’re bombarded with it the minute you turn on Facebook or Twitter. It’s more than that, though – it’s also people’s various moans and whines, it’s people’s issues and qualms, it can also be people wanting things from you that you don’t have the energy to give.
It doesn’t help when you’re feeling like you can’t cope with one more email or one more thing to have to organise or think about. Just put up a status akin to “be back later” and just turn it off for a while.
A quick glance at my phone reveals a quite alarming truth: there are currently ten separate ways people can reach me via that one device (LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, Instagram, Viber, Whatsapp, text message, email and ordinary phone, in case you’re interested) – terrifying, no?
No wonder we feel so overwhelmed – at any minute, one of those little icons could ping with an alert and somebody’s asking for a tiny, if not fleeting, moment of my attention. Hundreds of these a day and if you’re already feeling a bit rubbish, you start to feel drained – fast.
I say text anyone who might need to reach you in an emergency and leave one route, like a landline, open for absolute crises. Then put your phone in aeroplane mode and keep it that way until you feel you can cope again.
I have several safe places. They’re usually small, enclosed, cosy areas within my own house. Everyone’s different, but most people know what makes them tick. For me, small, softly furnished spaces help me to relax, for some people it’s jogging, for others it’s going for a long drive. Whatever your safe place, find it and make sure you spend some time there when it feels like the world is imposing too much on you.
I’m not advocating cutting yourself off from your friends, but sometimes the feeling of being overwhelmed can be a result of overcommitting. Do you really need to have that coffee with a stranger right now? Do you have to go to that party?
Go through your commitments for the next month and start crossing off everything that you’ve agreed to attend out of obligation, rather than desire. You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes when you don’t feel tied into something you don’t really want to do.
Sometimes, feeling overwhelmed can come from a disproportionate focus on the negatives in life. When I start to feel like the bad things are outweighing the good, I sit down and make a list of things that I’m lucky to have. They don’t have to be big things, sometimes I’m just really grateful for the roof over my head, or the fact that I always have enough to eat. Once you really strip back and look at what you do have, life feels a lot simpler and everything other than the basics starts to feel like a bonus.
It will pass – it always passes. But if you have been feeling overwhelmed for a while and it’s starting to take over your life, then seek help. There’s no shame in fine-tuning your own wellbeing, visiting a counsellor or someone who can help you put coping methods into place that work for you.
Remember, your health and wellbeing comes first, no matter what. If you’re struggling, please do contact a professional or mental health organisation who can help you get back on your feet.
]]>How many times have I heard someone say that they’re just not creative and never will be? Too many times – and I say that’s rubbish. Sure, some people are more naturally predisposed to creativity than others – some things come more naturally while others struggle to catch on.
However – I’m a firm believer that creativity can be learned, fostered and that creativity breeds more creativity. More importantly, creativity doesn’t have to look a certain way or manifest itself in certain hobbies or interests. Learning to think creatively can help you to get ahead in a totally non creative industry, it can teach you to see solutions where other people see brick walls – cultivating your creativity can change your life. So where and how do you get started?
A creative life is a happy life!
Even if all you’ve ever drawn is stick men, challenge yourself and go to a drawing class. Always wanted to learn an instrument? Now’s your chance. Want to learn how to take beautiful pictures? Go on a course. If you want to learn to think creatively, you have to start by doing creative things. For example, the photography courses I’ve attended have taught me to see beauty in things that other people might walk past without noticing. The musical instruments I play teach me to see unexpected places a melody might go, or how to pick up and jam without having to learn.
Don’t give up on your hobby if you’re not immediately amazing at it. Stick at it and do a little of it every day, even if it’s frustrating at first. You’ll be amazed how quickly your thought process starts to change and develop. Challenging yourself can be really difficult at first, but you won’t regret it. Remember, everyone has to start somewhere.
It takes time to blossom
Want to feel really great about yourself? Record your progress and make monthly comparisons – you’ll find you’ve come on leaps and bounds month to month – and it’s much better than comparing yourself to others who may have way more experience or time than you. You will progress at your own pace, so keep looking back and realising just how far you’ve come.
Keeping a journal is a great way to track how you feel day to day. Read back every few months or so and see how your new creative thinking has affected your whole life. Have you started to look at things in a more positive way? Have you started to think of outside-the-box solutions to your everyday problems? You’ll be amazed how much being creative can change your life.
Get to know people on your course. Or if you’re teaching yourself or having private lessons, find a club or forum that you can participate in. Sharing your new passion is a great way to keep up the excitement and momentum around it, and you may learn things from other beginners that a more experienced teacher might have overlooked. If nothing else, you’ll make some fabulous new friends.
If you’ve taken up baking, start taking your sweet treats into work. If it’s photography, start showcasing your work or taking lovely pictures for people and giving them as gifts. Started something musical? Push the boat out and try out at an open mic night. Forcing yourself to put yourself out there gives you a goal to work towards and encourages you to take your hobby up a level, plus results = rewards!
A new, creative mindset awaits you – you just have to be brave enough to take the first step and stick with it. I promise you won’t regret it.
]]>Think the world of blogging is an easy ride? Think again. Here are some common themes that every blogger will definitely understand.
I’m king of the world!!!
Feeling a little blue…
DISNEYWORLD!!!
Oh.
You have no new messages.
Am I the only weirdo out there who loves weddings??
That’s ME!!! In a magazine!!!
Friend?
It’s nice to meet likeminded people
There’s a foot for every shoe
And it helps other people who are in the same boat
Yes, I AM fabulous, thanks for noticing
Jeez, it’s impossible to get any sleep around here
I can see the appeal
Because where else do you get to go to work dressed like this?? (Image © Richmond Pictures)
AND this??
Yeah… I’m going to have to ask you to come back at another time…
BLOG FRIENDS! (Image © Sarah Morris Photography)
So if you’re a blogger and you’re having a “meh” day, keep at it! You never know what’s around the corner or how amazing things are about to be…
]]>Is your relationship in a good place? Here are five signs that your long-term relationship is going well. Please note I’m not an expert of any kind – this post is based on personal experience. If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship, please seek advice from a professional.
Image © Satureyes
OK, everyone tells little white lies (nobody saw you trip over… of course it wasn’t noticeable etc etc) but when it comes to your day-to-day dynamic, and the bigger stuff, you guys are honest and open with each other. Lies, big and small, tend to rot and fester and once they’re exposed can irreparably damage your relationship. An honest dynamic isn’t always comfortable, you might not feel great in the moment (the truth can hurt) but it’s the healthiest foundation to a successful, long-term relationship.
Personally, I couldn’t live my day-to-day life walking on eggshells or putting on airs and graces. Your home needs to be a sanctuary in which you can totally be yourself, otherwise how are you ever going to relax? Your live-in partner should be somebody with whom you can be completely yourself and who accepts you just as you are. No, that doesn’t mean you can behave badly, but it does mean you can chill out and stop trying so hard. A lifetime of trying doesn’t sound like much fun.
You can relax now…
When you’re totally comfortable with someone (see the above paragraph) it’s easy to be complacent. While a lifetime of trying, 24/7, sounds unbearable, it’s also easy to slip into a dynamic where you’re too comfortable. Remember, it’s still a romantic relationship and that part shouldn’t be entirely forgotten in favour of sweatpants and lazy evenings. Try to schedule regular date nights, keep communicating about the romantic part of your relationship and don’t let it die.
In a really long-term relationship, it’s normal for feelings to lie dormant for a little while and be regularly reignited, so keep lighting that spark!
Everyone gets angry sometimes and says things they don’t mean, but if your arguments regularly degenerate into name calling and door slamming, then there may be a bigger issue at play. Constant arguments aren’t healthy – some people get so entrenched in that dynamic that they don’t even realise quite how much it’s stressing them out.
In a healthy relationship, you’re able to argue constructively. Most of your arguments are more like discussions. Remember, no matter how much you disagree with your partner or how angry you are with them in the moment, that you still love them and want the relationship to work.
Another sign you’re in a healthy relationship is that disagreements, even arguments, don’t feel catastrophic. If you feel constantly afraid that your partner is going to leave you, then you may need to look a little harder at why you feel that way.
Sometimes it’s nice to fly solo
The most important part of a romantic relationship is space. Space, space, and more space. It’s healthy to do your own thing, have your own friends and interests, even just spend some alone time chilling by yourself. A relationship that originates from a place of desperately wanting to avoid being alone is doomed from the start.
Enjoying a little solitude, liking yourself and your own companionship – these are the healthiest things you can do for your relationship.
Are you happily coupled up? Would you agree with the above or do you think there are other things that are more important to a healthy relationship? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment box!
]]>Have you ever heard somebody being referred to as successful because of how much they earn, or how much they own, or how well known they are? I have – many times. In fact, I’ve spent much of my life aiming to be a success.
It wasn’t until recently that I paused in my relentless mission to reach the top to ask myself what success actually meant. What was it I was really aiming for? The conclusion I came to blew everything I’ve ever believed about life, success, money and happiness out of the water.
When can you ever sit back and say that you’ve made it?
I will never, ever be a success – and that’s not a bad thing. The reason I will never be a success is because (and here’s the amazing part) there’s no such thing as success. So, I could earn a lot of money – but at what point does that make me “a success”? A hundred thousand? A million? Ten? When do I stop and decide that I’ve succeeded?
Sure I could have a great career, but at which point am I a success? A blog that makes people happy? A magazine column? An editorial position? A novel? A bestselling novel? Ten bestselling novels?
I could have a great relationship, but when does that make me successful? After the first “I love you”? Marriage? Kids? Ten years? Twenty? Fifty??
People who believe in success also conveniently ignore the subtle nuances of life. What if I have a blazing row with my husband? Is my marriage suddenly less successful? What if I have a spell between jobs? What does that do to my success stats? What if I’m asset rich and cash poor? What if I lose it all?
Life is a journey, how can you ever say that you’ve really got there?
Am I successful yet?
So I came up with a different definition of success – my own definition. It’s inconclusive and totally malleable. I measure the success of each moment (and not my entire existence as a whole) by asking these sorts of questions instead:
“Was I true to myself?”
“Did I learn from that?”
“Am I being fair?”
“Am I prioritising my happiness?”
“Was I kind?”
When you start measuring your success as a learning, growing and big-hearted human being in each moment, instead of how much you’ve accumulated over a lifetime, life suddenly becomes a lot happier – you’ll probably achieve a hell of a lot more living with your heart than constantly trying to get more money, more stuff, more power.
So today’s little thought is – think about success and what it means – think about which definition is more important to you and see if it changes the way you look at and value yourself. You might be surprised!
]]>Good morning, Darling Lovelies! Today’s topic is one I’ve been doing a fair bit of research on. I’m not a psychologist, counsellor, psychiatrist or anything else – if you think someone is posing danger to you, themselves or anyone else, please do seek professional advice.
While there are many lovely people on this planet, you’d have to be living under a rock not to have encountered lots of difficult and / or unreasonable people along your journey. Whether it’s a friend who’s being unfair to you, a frosty colleague or even a surly sales assistant, you could stumble upon an unreasonable person anywhere. So how do you deal with a challenging personality type when you’re at the point of tearing your own hair out? I’ve tried to make this as general as possible so that it can be applied to any situation.
Staying calm will light the way
Unless you can’t. It’s pretty difficult to ignore your work colleagues or your family, but there are many situations where you can just walk away. For example, I see a lot of people (and I’ve been guilty of this in the past) getting embroiled in pointless Facebook wars with strangers. That’s what I call unnecessary stress – you can’t educate the unreasonable, nor is it your job to. Unreasonable people will ignore any legitimate points you’ve made and just repeat themselves without offering a rebuttal. If you don’t have to deal with the unreasonable person, go and find a brick wall to lightly bang your head against instead. Just kidding.
If you think the unreasonable person is in danger of spreading their unreasonableness to others (often unreasonable people will bend, stretch or be selective with the truth – or downright lie – in order to appear more justified) then provide a very calm and sensible rebuttal. However, don’t make the mistakes of a) thinking that you will change the person’s opinion or b) losing your temper and your poise. Lay some facts bare and then leave it alone. Don’t engage with any responses, verbal, written or otherwise and don’t see red and let your tone become aggressive nor start hurling insults. If someone is spoiling for a fight, don’t give them one.
Have you really listened?
Sometimes, when you feel someone is unreasonable, you also run the risk of becoming too entrenched in your position. Listen to what the unreasonable person is saying – are there elements of truth? Are you being fair towards them or have you dismissed them out of hand because of their character? The more just you are towards them, the better the outcome for everyone. There’s often no such thing as outright, black and white right and wrong, and if you can’t see the nuances in the situation then perhaps you are also being a tad unreasonable.
The problem with a lot of unreasonable people is that compromise isn’t a thing. Meeting in the middle isn’t something they do well, and if it’s their way or the highway, then this probably won’t work. Offer a compromise as an olive branch – it’s all you can do to be fair.
If you think someone is trying to do or make you do something damaging, unhelpful or wrong, or if you’re being accused of something that isn’t true, don’t fold for the sake of peace. Unreasonable people are often used to bullying people into giving them what they want, and you don’t have to give anything that you don’t want to. If you’ve really checked with yourself that you’re being fair and true, you’ve offered a compromise and you’re still being met with a wall of dissent, then stay firm and calm. The person who shouts loudest isn’t always right.
Are you dealing with an unreasonable person? Do you have a foolproof strategy? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment box.
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