Step away from the phone…
Before John proposed, I bullied him into it so already knew it was going to happen had a really strong inkling he was going to do it. Because I had no idea how to keep my mouth shut, all of my closest friends knew John was going to propose (probably before he did) and when we actually got engaged, they responded to my excited phone calls with an anticlamactic “yeah, we know, you told us.” You only get to announce your engagement once, so don’t blow the surprise too soon or you’ll be disappointed by people’s reactions!
In my excitement, I made a couple of basic mistakes booking suppliers I wasn’t 100% sure about. I ended up having to cancel a couple of things and was let down by one supplier a couple of weeks before the wedding. It’s tempting to get everything done quickly so you have something to look forward to, but with so many options out there, really take your time. Read blogs and magazines, do your research and make informed decisions once you’ve settled into the planning.
You’ll end up with fifty bridesmaids, a wedding you don’t want and somebody will STILL find something to complain about. You can’t please everyone and your wedding is YOUR special day, so do things your way and don’t try to please everyone at the expense of your own happiness.
Yes, there are elements of wedding planning that can be difficult or stressful, but if you let the stress take over, you won’t enjoy the most exciting time of your life! If you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, sit down and identify the areas that are stressing you out and ask yourself what can be done to fix it before it ruins your experience.
Make sure you let yourself relax!
When we planned our budget, we seriously underestimated how much everything would cost. We didn’t have much understanding of what you can and can’t get for your money and so budgeted a little too optimistically. Always overestimate – rather you pay less than you thought than run out of money half way through planning your wedding!
Are you planning a wedding? Have you made any big-day blunders yet? Leave us some love in the comment box!
]]>So how did we navigate the potential pitfalls of hosting such a grown up event, rife with potential stick-up-the-bum-ness and make it into an enjoyable evening? Planning! And here’s how you can plan the perfect dinner party too.
John and I have one, very small, dining table and five viable dining room chairs. When you’re young-ish, usually you have enough to suit your everyday needs and occasional guests, and that’s the set up we have at the moment. To accommodate eight people, we cleaned up the garden furniture and put cushions on everything. Sure it looked a bit like the kids’ table at a family occasion, but everyone was seated comfortably in the end.
We also had to make sure we had enough plates (we didn’t) cutlery (short one knife) and wine glasses. Plain white tablecloths also give your tables a uniform look if you’re using more than one and bring a level of sophistication to your decor scheme.
When you’re hosting a small dinner party, you can afford to go all out on detail without it being too time consuming or expensive. We made little place settings for everyone and small, dried flower favours for our guests to take home with them. I also made a bouquet centrepiece as a finishing touch and lit a candle on each table.
You don’t want to make a big roast to find out you’re hosting a vegetarian, or overcompensate with a nut roast only to inflate your highly allergic guest. Send out a request for dietary requirements in advance so there are no nasty surprises.
Your first dinner party isn’t the time to try out that complicated new recipe. I made good, old-fashioned mac’n’cheese because I know I can make it well without poisoning anyone. We had veg and side salad to round out the meal. For dessert, I made my lemon sherbet cupcakes with love hearts on top and asked each guest to choose a sweet for their sweetie (bleugh, I know). I also had back-up ice cream and snacks to give people options.
Have tea, coffee, a selection of herbal teas, sweeteners, milk and plenty of mugs at the ready. Offer hot drinks when your guests arrive and again after dinner. I know this seems obvious, but it doesn’t always occur to everyone and it’s a nice touch. It immediately makes people feel at home and gives them an excuse to stick around and chat.
At an ordinary party, it’s easier to just walk off if you want to end a conversation. A dinner party is a much more formal context and, in a way, it’s more pressure. If you or one of your guests holds particularly strong opinions, avoid controversial or difficult political topics that could cause an upset. There’s debate and then there’s creating an uncomfortable situation.
Spotify has some great dinner party playlists full of chilled out background music that you can play quietly to create atmosphere.
A dinner party doesn’t mean you have to be a stick in the mud. Make it a pleasant evening by all means, but these people are still your friends! You don’t have to mind your Ps and Qs to the point where you’re having a dull evening. Have fun and pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
]]>No seriously *talks over the loud voices of protest… or not* I was terrible. When our chair company folded two weeks before the wedding and let us know with a letter by second-hand post, I dramatically thrust the offending piece of paper in John’s face, before sprinting upstairs, wailing that the whole wedding was ruined and throwing myself on the bed to weep.
Then there was the spectacularly self-centered moment when I wrote this piece on how if people don’t stay until the end of your wedding, they’re not really your friend – and I meant it! I’M SORRY!
Perspective is a wonderful thing. It allows us the space to learn from our mistakes, but also to laugh at them. To everyone who crossed Cyclone Sara’s path in the run up to my wedding I’m sorry. To help me feel like less of a douchebag, I took to the Internet to find other people who sorely regret their pre-wedding tantrums! Here are some anonymous contributions from our wonderful readers – prepare to be amused.
But which one is the costume?
“I played up to my talent of being a drama queen before my big day. I was after a bargain from everyone – my poor suppliers! And I had quite a bad case of the budget-competition. You’ll have seen it before if you read wedding blogs, where brides compete to see who can spend the least. Fair dos if that’s your thing but it sent me crazy and for that I have apologised to my patient husband.”
“We had a blank canvas venue, so I enlisted some very kind friends and family to help me set up. The day before I guess they were just having fun making the most of being bossed around by a frothing-at-the-mouth me, and stopped for a bit to mess around. I dropped everything I was carrying on the floor and cried ‘am I the only one who wants a wedding to happen here tomorrow?’ It was not a good look.”
Losing it when things don’t go to plan is a classic bridezilla move!
“I woke up and the skies were grey for my outdoor wedding. My mum was right about the unpredictable British weather, I thought with despair. I’m pretty sure I was crying. One of my bridesmaids woke up and pointed out that it was merely 5.30am and the sun hadn’t actually risen. Ah. Right you are then.”
“I had spent hours compiling a playlist on my iPad. As soon as the disco kicked off, the iPad promptly decided it wasn’t going to work. This led to me running out of the hall closely followed by four male friends and my new husband proffering hip flasks. The rest of the evening consisted of everyone’s random music from their various phone playlists”
“I full on yelled at one of our lovely groomsmen because he failed in his duty to clear the guests out of the way for my arrival so I could make a proper entrance walking down the aisle. I’m still apologising to this day.”
If you know a bride in danger of having a bridezilla moment, please direct them here
“During my wedding reception, my heel broke on my shoe. For some reason when I felt that heel snap, something inside me snapped. I took off the shoe and hurled it across the room, narrowly missing several guests. Luckily they saw the funny side, as did I (after downing another glass of wine and waiting for my face to cool) and I danced barefoot for the rest of the evening.”
“Before my wedding, I gave everyone in the wedding party a code name. I became so obsessed with the code name thing that I wouldn’t respond if people didn’t play along. It got so bad that my nearest and dearest eventually staged an intervention.”
“In all of the excitement of the wedding reception, we cut the cake but forgot to dish it out. The next morning when I came to clean up the venue and discovered the uneaten cake, I was so upset that I made everyone there grab a fork and eat the whole thing for breakfast.”
No sleep? No CAKE? Bridezilla smash!
“Forget the bridezilla stereotype, I was a total groomzilla. From the moment she said “yes” to the moment she said “I do” I became obsessed with making a “plan B” for everything that could possibly go wrong. From a comprehensive wet weather plan to a list of local back-up suppliers (and yes, I checked their availability) it drove my poor bride to be mad as I kept picking holes in her dream day.”
“In the run up to the wedding, one of my bridesmaids said she wanted to be the last in for hair and make up. Instead of just politely saying no, I turned round and roared “I’M THE BRIDE!” Those words haunt me to this day, every time I get stressed out somebody takes it upon themselves to shout “I’M THE BRIDE” at me.
So our readers have confessed all and now we’d love to hear from you. Did you have any spectacular pre-wedding tantrums? Were you a bride or groomzilla before the big day? Leave us a comment in the box below!
]]>The Parlour London isn’t like other hair salons, you see. It’s been lovingly designed by owner Jackie and her brilliant eye for all things pretty. It’s also a really experience from the styles on the menu to the lovely added extras and friendly customer service.
The evening was a huge success, we met some amazing people, drank some delicious cocktails and everyone was ooh-ing and ahh-ing over each other’s pretty braids and vintage styles.
Sarah Morris Photography was on hand to capture everyone nattering, the styling by The Little Wedding Helper, crockery by VinTEAge and a special bath salts station with I Made It Myself. All of the images in this post are her wonderful work.
The guests were all treated to goody bags with delicious cookies from Nila Holden, adorable notes from Ananya Cards and the FC5 ultra-hydrating hand crème (Fresh cells technology) from Arbonne International. There were also a few little extra goodies from Darling Lovely Life and The Parlour London.
Our guests all grabbed the opportunity to sit in a stylist’s chair and get gussied up! Here’s our Darling Lovely Maddy being styled as a vintage vixen!
The Party at the Parlour Team taking in the surroundings and taking advantage of the pretty wallpaper for some serious selfie action.
Me (in the middle) with the gorgeous Klaire de Lys, genuinely one of the most talented people I’ve ever met in my life, and the very amazing Nova from wedding blog, nu bride.
Maddy and me
John!
The Parlour London girls, owner Jackie in sequins in the middle!
The whole Party at The Parlour team jumps in for a group shot!
We also had a social media competition to win another luxurious blow dry treatment at The Parlour London – and we’re happy to announce that the winner of the social media competition is… Nova from nu bride for her gorgeous hair selfie! Congratulations Nova!
We hope the event at The Parlour London was the first of many for the Darling Lovely Life team and great practice for one day holding a reader event for all of you!
]]>After months of planning, creating, arguing (probably) and focusing on details, it’s easy to lose perspective, particularly on your wedding morning. Emotions are running high, as are nerves, and if something you’ve poured your heart into goes wrong, it’s all too easy to go into meltdown.
This post is to remind you that the most important part of your wedding day is marrying the person you love. Everything else is dressing – so how do you stay calm enough to really enjoy your big day?
All images in this post © Satureyes
Your pre-wedding prep starts the night before. Do whatever you need to do to get an early night, as you’ll be battling nerves and they’ll be pretty set on keeping you awake. Have a walk and a hot bath a few hours before bed, a nice mug of chamomile tea, some Rescue Night and even if you can’t sleep, try to shut your eyes and rest. The less tired you are, the less likely you are to lose your cool the next day.
The best thing I did on the morning of my wedding was hand over my mobile to my brother. Several guests pulled out at the last minute, something I’d been utterly dreading, and had those texts reached me directly I probably would have lost my serene, pre-wedding glow. As it happened, my brother was an excellent buffer and softened the blow of each no-show.
It also meant that no hysterical, last-minute phone calls reached me directly and things were delegated without me having to be involved.
Don’t do yourself an injury worrying about whether or not the flowers have arrived, pop on a movie you enjoy (no jilted at the altar movies, please) and watch it while you’re getting ready.
You need to surround yourself with people who are also going to be calm. My mum and bridesmaids were really chilled on the day, the mood was festive, not frantic. Make sure you have people around you who you can rely on to keep your thoughts positive and cultivate excitement instead of panic.
What if the wrong centrepieces show up? Or what if I get my vows wrong? What happens if something goes wrong? Well, unless it’s a real tragedy, I say don’t worry about the details. I know, I know, you’ve spent the last goodness-knows-how-long worrying about the details, but let them go. You’re the only one who knows what the original plan was and if something goes wrong, it’s really unlikely that anyone will notice.
At the end of the day, if you come home with a spouse, your wedding went perfectly. It’s even more likely to be the best day of your life if you’re calm, happy and ready to take it all in, so take some deep breaths, hand in your mobile and enjoy the day!
]]>All images in this post belong to Collection 26.
If a typical romantic dinner or picnic doesn’t inspire you, start a new tradition with your groom or bride-to-be by creating a ‘couples-bucket-list’ of things you want to do together. These may be activities you have been too scared to try on your own like skydiving, or something simpler, such as exploring a local town or city you’ve always been curious about.
What better time to start ticking items off your list than on your first Valentine’s Day as an engaged couple? You can keep the tradition going each year but don’t forget to tick things off each month and adding anything new challenges come up once you have tied the knot.
What do you do when all of your funds are directed towards your wedding? February 14th doesn’t need to be about going to an expensive restaurant or on a luxurious weekend break. For the couples more focused on saving for their special day, you can create an equally memorable date whatever your budget. The key is picking something meaningful to both of you, why not try putting a romantic spin on some of your wedding tasks or using the occasion to get the groom more involved with some of the planning!
If you’re having a romantic night in together, get in touch with a few of your favourite cake makers and ask if they could send you a selection of mini samples. Using the cakes for dessert will allow you select a cake for your big day, and supply a gorgeous dessert for you to enjoy.
If you haven’t arranged the caterers for your wedding day, ask your favourite caterer to do a tasting for just the two of you on Valentine’s Day. This may be a fun alternative to going for a romantic dinner while being productive in your wedding planning. Similarly, if the drinks are particularly important to you, why not arrange a wine tasting to select the wines to be served on your wedding day. They may even provide a few tasty snacks during the evening to give you some inspiration for your reception canapés or wedding breakfast.
After the initial excitement of the proposal, the planning stage of your engagement can be a stressful time for even the strongest of couples. Especially if you have been having a few ‘creative differences’ with your other half on ideas for your wedding day. Rather than letting this get in the way of enjoying the build up to one of the most important days of your relationship, why not plan a wedding-free weekend trip to remind you both of why you are engaged in the first place!
To really take advantage of alone time, you can take a look into a technology free retreat. Weather this be a quiet island paradise or glamping under the stars in a comfortable (and well-heated) yurt. Take a few days away from it all where nothing wedding related can be discussed – this will make the small creative differences seem much simpler to resolve and will remind you both of what is more important! – And remember to come up with a fun forfeit for the first person to mention anything wedding related!
Are you engaged this Valentine’s Day? We’d love to know your plans! Leave us some love in the comment box below.
]]>The course, which runs for a day and costs £195 including materials, teaches you two fundamental skills. The first is how to make a vintage-look hand-tied bouquet, and how to wrap it like a pro, the second is how to make a small tea cup or pot arrangement. The course is run by the academy’s very glamorous and lovely principle, Gillian Wheeler, and her wonderful team.
At first, I thought this course would be just for brides who are looking to flex their creative muscles on their wedding day, but I soon realised it’s more. It’s for anyone who loves flowers and wants to learn a skill in a day that will keep them in beautiful, inexpensive bouquets for the rest of their life. I will probably never buy a store bought bouquet again, now that I know how to do it, I would much rather make them myself when it comes to treating family members and friends. I think this would make a fabulous hen party activity with your best gals if you are going with a small group.
Foliage for our bouquets
Definitely – if you’re a vintage-loving flower enthusiast. The course is taught in a way that is easy to process and remember, although I’d recommend bringing a notebook and taking some cheeky camera phone snaps if you have a poor memory. It will also correct a lot of your bad flower habits, for example you would be surprised how much of the foliage and flowers you actually need to strip and prepare before you start to make your bouquet.
The example made by the teachers. Despite this not yet being tied, it could be safely passed around the class without falling apart
I’d put the difficulty level at medium. Although some of the techniques can be a little tricky to master (particularly wrapping the bouquets, which took some getting used to) the great thing about vintage, hand-tied bouquets is that they don’t have to be perfect. Once you have the basic spiral strategy down, you can be as creative as you like with the flowers and colours you choose – anything goes. The idea is that it looks like you’ve swept up a handful of unstructured foliage and flowers from your cottage garden. Gorgeous!
My attempt at a hand-tied bouquet. Lots of pink roses, as you can see!
The tea cups are particularly easy to master, and make perfect little arrangements for weddings and tea parties alike, so it’s a great skill to learn if you entertain a lot.
This is the result of a relatively speedy tutorial and look how ace it looks! As you can see, I went a bit glitter mad, but hey, what do you expect?
Just to prove mine wasn’t a fluke, here is the collective work of the class:
Even I, as the most DIY-mad person on the planet, wouldn’t advocate doing all of your own wedding flowers, but if you did want to do something special and make your own bouquet, then make sure you:
♥ Make sure you definitely have access to the right flowers in good condition.
♥ Find time, the night before or on the morning of your wedding to make the bouquet.
♥ Practice, practice, practice so that you could do it in your sleep and it doesn’t cause you undue stress.
♥ Properly prepare, condition and store the flowers so that they don’t wilt when it’s time to take them down the aisle.
Review based on a PR sample.
]]>Don’t bring about a cloud to rain on my parade…
No sooner has the celebratory champagne cork popped than the demands begin. It’s always the same story with different details: family members want to control anything and everything, with varying degrees of involvement, from the guest list to (eek) the dress! The following three scenarios are likely:
1.) The family is paying for the whole wedding and therefore feels they deserve a say.
2.) The family is contributing to the wedding and therefore feels they deserve a say.
3.) You are funding the wedding and the family still feels they deserve a say.
The path to wedded bliss never did run smooth
If your issue is scenario three, then you can confidently and kindly tell your family to butt out. Accepting suggestions is OK, but if you’re footing the bill then quite frankly while requests are acceptable, making demands is simply unreasonable.
If you’re dealing with scenario one or two then things are a little more delicate. On the one hand, it’s your big day and you want to have the best day of your life. On the other hand, by accepting financial help, are you giving others a stake in the details?
A wedding is the only time you should be able to have your cake and eat it too!
I find the best, and most tactful way, to handle a pre-nuptial power struggle is to establish boundaries before any money has exchanged hands. Be really frank and open about your concerns and tell your family that, while you really appreciate their help, there must be a certain understanding about who gets the final say. Can a gift be given without any major strings attached?
If the answer is “no” and this is likely to breed resentment, then it’s time to start working on a compromise. Sit down with your partner and discuss the areas of the wedding your family wants to be involved with. Do you really care about the guest list getting out of control? Are there areas in which you’re happy to concede and be usurped in the name of keeping the peace?
If the answer to that is “no” then explore the issue further. OK, so you do care about the guest list, and, for example, you don’t want every Tom, Dick and Harry that your parents have ever met to attend over your friends. Is there a way to compromise there? Can you invite more people to the evening party and swallow the extra crowds? Can you agree to invite a number of your parents’ friends if your own RSVP no?
Don’t let it turn into an argument
It will come down to good old mediation. Perhaps try to find a neutral friend or family member (or failing that, a willing wedding planner) to chair a discussion and make sure everyone is heard fairly. Every family has its own complexities and dynamics to deal with and it would be a terrible shame to have such a happy occasion cause so much distress.
]]>This is perhaps the most compelling argument I could think of to invest a good portion of your wedding budget into professional photography. I get asked a lot what the difference is between pro photography and snaps by your friends – I mean, both capture the moment, right? I’ve never quite had the words to explain it, so I thought by putting the images side by side it might better illustrate my point, how both have their place, but neither can replace the other.
The below pictures are from our August 2012 wedding. On the left are the pictures taken by my friends and family on their camera phones and digital cameras. On the right are professional images of the same moments but taken by a working photographer.
Just to be clear, I am so glad my friends were there to supplement the photography – they captured moments that I am so grateful to have recorded. The reason I am showing you these photos side by side is not to devalue these wonderful contributions, which are so very precious to me and taken with so much heart, but to illustrate the difference between a party snap with a camera or smart phone and a professional photograph taken by an expert with the right training, experience, kit and editing – and to tell you that you absolutely can have the best of both worlds.
All pro images (on the right) are copyright of Satureyes
First of all, your friends and family are there to enjoy your wedding, not to be responsible for capturing every moment. If they happen to get some images, which they probably will in the age of smart phones, then great, but it’s quite another matter to expect one, or all, of them to be your official photographers. Let them be in the moment, instead of being in charge of preserving them.
Your friends don’t have the years of training and experience in shooting weddings to know which moments to look out for, where to position themselves to grab the best possible shots or how to get them in an unobtrusive way – and nor should they, unless it’s their job!
Your friends will take pictures from a distance. For the most part, they’re not going to have powerful zoom lenses on their smart phones and they certainly won’t want to come butt their heads, and their phones, in while you’re smooching on the dance floor or saying your vows. Think of a professional photographer as an access-all-areas type, someone who won’t be told off for taking pictures, who won’t be too shy to take pictures of strangers and who doesn’t have pre-existing relationships with people who will tell them to sod off for getting too snap happy!
Unless you’re a real genius, smart phones just won’t hold up in poor lighting. Your friends don’t have hundreds, even thousands of pounds invested in fantastic kit, low light lenses, tripods, great cameras etc. and even if they did, they would need to learn to use them.
Your friends and family know you best. No matter what the difference in quality etc. the images my friends and family produced have heart. But hiring a professional photographer does not preclude them from taking their own pictures – you can, and should, have both!
No matter how wonderful your friends’ images are, don’t leave them battling low lighting, fast-moving celebrations and post-event editing. Take a load off your mind and hire a professional photographer – you won’t regret it!
]]>A bride-to-be recently came to me with a dilemma. Having been engaged for just a week, she already found herself at the centre of a tug of war over who would be in her bridal party. While she knew who she wanted to choose as her bridesmaids, she hated the idea of hurting anybody and found herself isolated from her friends. So I decided to write this piece on how to dish out roles in the wedding in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone’s feelings.
Before you approach anyone or make any decisions, you need to make sure you have your head straight and have made clear choices in your own mind without any external pressure. Ignore what other people want and just think about what you want for a minute. In an ideal world, who would you have in your wedding party? As for the others, would you have them in your wedding party if you had room or are you baffled that they want to be involved in the first place? Who are you really worried about upsetting and why? Don’t just go out of your way to please people if they’ve gone out of their way to be offended.
Make three lists: one of the people you definitely want in your wedding party, a second of people you want but don’t have space for and a third of people who want to be in your wedding party but who you wouldn’t have otherwise considered.
My beautiful bridesmaids. All images © Satureyes
Once you have your lists in front of you, focus on the second list. The bridal party is not the be all and end all of wedding roles. For example, I wanted traditional bridesmaids, but I also have lots of male friends and it felt wrong not to include them. I gave friends I really wanted to include other roles, like MC, or I asked them to do a reading during the ceremony or speeches. Just because you can’t fit everyone into your immediate bridal party doesn’t mean they can’t play a special part in your big day. I don’t mean that you should just find something for people to do to avoid hurting their feelings, but really think about how you want them to contribute – my friend Tom is a fantastic public speaker and also one of my closest friends on this planet. Seeing as he was too male to be a bridesmaid, he did a reading during the ceremony. My friend Alfie is also one of my best friends in the world but same problem – he is a wonderful organiser and is fantastic at keeping me sane. I asked him if he wouldn’t mind coordinating proceedings on the day, and he and his girlfriend Catriona did the most incredible job.
Meet up with the people you’ve chosen for other roles face to face and make a big deal of asking them to do their specific duties. Don’t make it sound like you’re just trying to find something for them to do, but rather find something perfect for them and make it sound as special as it really is. Put as much effort into asking your friends to take on other roles as you would into asking your bridesmaids to be in your wedding party.
Don’t feel you have to explain yourself to the whole world though. I have a friend who put a lot of time and effort into appeasing somebody she hadn’t spoken to in three years and hadn’t even planned to invite to the wedding. This girl saw that she was engaged on Facebook and, for reasons unbeknownst to the rest of the world, assumed she would be a bridesmaid. Instead of shrugging it off, my poor friend, being a nice person, spent an hour on the phone to this girl she barely knew trying to explain to her why she wasn’t a bridesmaid. In the end, it didn’t make a difference, the girl unfriended her on Facebook (the ultimate slight) and didn’t even receive a wedding invite!
At the end of the day, you can’t please everybody – you can, however, let the people you love know how special they are to you by finding them a perfect role within your wedding, even if you can’t have them as a bridesmaid or groomsman. Good luck!
If you have a wedding dilemma, email [email protected] and we’ll publish an answer.
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