--- title: "Five things I wish I could tell my twenty year old self" url: https://darlinglovelylife.com/2014/06/five-things-i-wish-i-could-tell-my-twenty-year-old-self/ description: "Six years doesn’t sound like a very long time, but in your twenties it’s an eternity. I can barely recognise myself at 26 from the person I was at 20.…" published: 2014-06-18 updated: 2014-06-18 --- # Five things I wish I could tell my twenty year old self Published 2014-06-18 [Love & life](https://darlinglovelylife.com/category/love-and-life/) 18 June 2014 · by Sara - Darling Lovely Life editor · filed under [life advice](https://darlinglovelylife.com/archives/), [love and life](https://darlinglovelylife.com/archives/) Six years doesn’t sound like a very long time, but in your twenties it’s an eternity. I can barely recognise myself at 26 from the person I was at 20. I was pretty messed up back then – very down on myself, too socially anxious to function properly and so desperate for attention that I would do pretty much anything for it. Now I look at my younger self fondly, kind of like a younger sister, someone who learned all of their lessons the hard way – but that isn’t who I am any more. I was reading and reflecting on old diaries and letters and it got me thinking – what would I tell my younger self if we got to have a conversation now? *Although some things really don’t change…* ## Treasure your family and friends Halfway through uni, carving my own way in the world, I was only just beginning to appreciate my parents as human beings and was much more focused on my new-found independence. I’m glad I didn’t know I only had five years left with my dad (that would have been too cruel) but I also wish I’d taken more pictures, stopped to appreciate our moments together and taken him for granted less. These days I really value my time with my loved ones – I treat every interaction as though our time is limited and precious and try never to assume that people will always be there out of habit. ## Stop making yourself inferior When I was twenty I did what too many young girls do, because nobody ever explained to them that they don’t have to. I let my romantic relationships rule my life. I changed my interests, appearance and personality on the strength of what my boyfriend at the time liked. I let my world fall apart when relationships ended – I didn’t have the strong sense of self that I value so highly now – and I always acted as though I was on the back foot, the inferior one in the pair. Now I understand that I’d rather be despised for who I am than loved for who I’m not – and that loving and respecting myself is the most important thing of all. ## Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks For some reason, my younger self was convinced that everyone else was in on some big secret. I was out of the loop, everybody else knew what the rules were, socially and otherwise. I wish I’d known then what I know now – that we’re all winging it, we’re all fucked up and we’re all insecure. Why, then, should what other people think matter more than my own judgement? I would tell my 20-year-old self to stop seeking approval, stop consulting and just trust your gut – it won’t lead you astray. *It may have been just a dreamhouse then but I built it later!* ## The things that matter now won’t always matter I remember shedding actual tears – yes, secreting ocular fluid – because I was upset about a student union motion not going through, or because someone disagreed with me in a Facebook debate. So much time and energy wasted on getting caught up in stupid little things because I didn’t yet have the life experience to see the wood for the trees. Now, whenever I find myself getting really worked up about something trivial (a mistake at work, a cross word with a friend and so on) I take myself aside, have a little word with myself and ask: “will I still care about this in five years’ time?” ## Discretion isn’t always a bad thing I still struggle with my brain-to-mouth filter – but with age comes judgement, and now I’m a little more careful and reserved. Yes, there are some people with whom I don’t hold anything back, and that’s great, but I choose them more carefully. Yes, there are some intimate things that I share about my life, but I’m more aware and deliberate about the way in which I share them (and the level of detail I go into). I read back some of my old (and now deleted) social media posts the other day cringing all the way and thinking how I wouldn’t be friends with someone who moaned all the time (with way too much information)! **What would you tell your younger self if you could have a conversation? Would you do things differently? Or did your mistakes make you who you are? Leave your comments in the box below!** --- [Back to June 2014 in the archive](https://darlinglovelylife.com/archives/#m-2014-06)