Comments on: How to deal with an unbalanced friendship

By: Gillian

Gillian — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 17:40:19 +0000

Got a card from Theresa from my birthday which said to a special friend, i sent her Christmas card before Christmas guess when I got hers well try the 27th December,

I am sorry but I don’t know what kind of friendship she wants, but I am sticking to my guns and not phoning

I don’t mind helping people friends, family but hate getting taken for granted like I am going to be around when she wants a best friend

I feel I have wasted half my life worrying about people who won’t make the same effort

it’s a good job I don’t rely on her my job keeps me busy

I am sticking to my guns and not phoning her

By: Gillian

Gillian — Wed, 10 Sep 2014 08:30:46 +0000

I had two friends one was in my class at School the other was her friend, I met both of them in 1983 things have changed, my friend Jacqui lost her mum so I helped through this, but when I lost my own mother, she turned ice cold and said to me, well that’s life, I was in pain with grief, it’s not words you want to hear,

my friend from school I have tried to phone but doesn’t return my calls she lost her dad a year ago so I said I am here if you want to talk

I thought my friendship with these two girls would last forever forever, but I was so wrong, I was told by my friends mum to keep in touch but it’s only me doing this I have had enough now and stopped what’s the point if she is now sharing the phone calls

I had good times with them but come to terms with all good things come to and end and we must move on my career in my job is moving on but it’s the company of people I miss and have lost confidence in trying to make friends socially I feel so hurt and lost

I am a cheerful and charismatic person at work but is trying to make new friends outside that I feel hardest to find I have tried voluntary work, but can’t now because of having to be flexible in my job

I live with my dad who is wonderful I can’t afford to get a flat as I am part time I am a youngest 53 year old life is passing me by

I am not a sad person but this gets me down some times

By: Sara - Darling Lovely Life editor

Sara - Darling Lovely Life editor — Thu, 12 Jun 2014 07:05:35 +0000

Hi Laura, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I think every woman at some point or another has had a friend like this – the one that picks you up and dumps you when it suits them, especially when there are romantic feelings involved. I’m not a therapist so I’d hate to give rotten advice, but the only thing I can say that helped me in the past is that maybe you need to let yourself feel the sadness. I’m not saying you should wallow in it or make a concerted effort to be sad, but perhaps you’re hanging on to this friendship because you are afraid of how you will feel when it ends. If you face the sadness head on and decide not to be afraid of it, maybe letting go will become a possibility. I don’t know the ins and outs of your situation, but it sounds to me like you want more from him than he’s willing to give. He may never be able to give you the validation and care that you deserve, so perhaps it is time to put yourself first and if he really values the friendship, he will follow. Huge hugs, so glad you have a supportive network around you xxx

By: Laura

Laura — Tue, 10 Jun 2014 14:56:43 +0000

Hi- I’m experiencing a difficult transition with someone who I’ve been close with for two years now.

We dated for a few weeks in the beginning- the became friends- really good frirnds. The kind that understand one another and care deeply. At one point last summer I recognized and was honest with him and I about my feelings.

We went on a trip to Greece together – came back and explored and deepened our friendship/relationship-

And it became strained. It started as an open relationship- after 4 months I wanted to continue exclusively- he did not.

We separated and went back and forth- talked a lot- cried a lot.

We took some time apart- and then got closer- now he’s dating someone new.

Whenever he meets someone new- he stops talking with me and initiating contact- that’s been the core issue.

I know he’s not a good partner for me- but we were really good friends once- we had a lot of fun together-

Now – I sense a lot of withdrawal and he doesnt seem to mind if we stay good friends or not.

I feel very sad- because I’ve been a consistant friend through good times- his fathers illness- breakups- etc… And I feel disposable.

I don’t want to take three months off-

All I really want is for him to tell me and show me that the friendship is valuable- meaningful- and that if we take a break- he wants to be there and be friends at the end. The ambivalence is torture- and I don’t understand it.

Do you have recommendations? I feel stuck. I do have supportive friends and a good therapist.