Deadpan Cat solves your problems: I love my cat more than I love my boyfriend

Deadpan Cat feigns shock, but still, somehow, looks deadpan

Dear Deadpan Cat,

I have a problem and I need your help. I think I love my cat more than I love my boyfriend. I mean, if I had to choose. Nothing weird, I just like hanging out with my cat. We watch our favourite shows together, and stay up late talking. Well, admittedly, I do most of the talking, but he’s a really good listener. That’s why I love him so much. Plus he’s really, really fluffy. My boyfriend is starting to not only notice, but complain. What should I do?

Yours

Cat lover from Catford

Deadpan Cat says:

Dear Cat lover from Catford,

You’re absolutely right to love your cat more than your boyfriend. Perhaps if your boyfriend did more listening and less yowling about your cat, this wouldn’t be the case.

I do think you should try and get your boyfriend and your cat to understand one another. Perhaps insist that they have an evening in together to get to know each other. Or you could plant gifts around the house, a six pack of beer with a tell-tale paw print so he knows it’s from the cat, or a bag of catnip with a gift note.

Whenever the humans bring home a new cat, they rub it with a blanket and then give the blanket to us. Perhaps you could do the same to your boyfriend?

Love,

Deadpan Cat

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