What to do if you’re not invited to the party

Party season is upon us! Just as we’ve passed the dreaded Christmas social period, businesses and friends alike are throwing their annual January soirées. While this is heaven for many social butterflies, for those of us who are a little more reserved when it comes to our fluttering, the party season can feel like one long stream of rejection.

So how do you cope if you feel like you’re the only one left out of all the cool parties?


2012’s Veilbash, all images in this post © Sacco & Sacco Photography

Don’t take it personally

Not being invited to parties doesn’t mean people don’t like you, quite frankly it often means they’ve forgotten you – or that they have limited space and can’t accommodate you. I used to get very upset when I’d worked with someone and they’d talked up their big bash only for the invite to never arrive, but then I put myself in their shoes. Do I remember to include everyone I’ve ever liked, worked with or spoken to? Probably not, but it doesn’t mean I think badly of them.

Don’t take it as a sign of failure

It can sometimes seem like everyone who’s anyone is invited to all the parties, which can make you feel like a nobody in comparison – but just because someone planning a party doesn’t know what you have to offer them doesn’t make your whole career or existence obsolete! Try to put the incident into perspective.


Don’t be afraid to ask for an invite

If you’ve been left out of a corporate do, don’t be afraid to ask, or get a friend to ask, if you can come along. The worst they can do is say no, and they are very unlikely to say “no, we don’t like you”. When I first started out, I would just ask if there was any room for me, particularly if it was business related. The answer was always yes.

Switch off social media

If social media didn’t exist, all you would feel is a fleeting moment of rejection. Because of Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and every other channel on which we live out our lives, being left out of the party can be excruciating. From the pre-party excitement tweets to the getting ready selfies to the barrage of hashtags and then the inevitable post-party write ups, it can feel like you’ve missed the event of the year even if it wasn’t that great in reality.


Suss out why you’re upset

I’m one of the most socially anxious people on the planet. Big parties just aren’t for me – I never enjoy them. So why do I feel upset when I’m not invited? Well, I’m not upset about the party itself, it’s more a schoolyard feeling of being left out or forgotten. If you’re like me and you’re not a party person, remind yourself that you probably wouldn’t have gone anyway, and if you had, it wouldn’t have been the amazing evening everyone is gushing about.

Put it in perspective

When I’m not invited to one party, the instinct is to moan that I’m never invited. That’s simply not true – it just feels like that in that moment. Actually, if I think about it, I’m invited to more events than I’m not, but that’s not how feeling rejected works – don’t make it into a catastrophe, instead think about all the fabulous events you are invited to.

Do something fun instead

Don’t sit at home moping because everyone else is at the ball. Do something fun – head out with some mates or stick some of your favourite comedy on TV / have a pampering night. Don’t let your life revolve around others telling you when you should and shouldn’t be having a good time!

And if you’re really stuck for something to do, say hi to @darlinglovelies on Twitter, after all, that’s the best party in town! Mwah! 

1 Comment on What to do if you’re not invited to the party

  1. Sarah
    January 22, 2014 at 12:02 pm (6 years ago)

    I always get invited to the party because I am so coolz. Apart from the posh ones where I bring the tone down.


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