Deadpan Cat solves your problems: I don’t want to move to the country


Who dares rouse Deadpan Cat from his slumber?

Dear Deadpan Cat,

For a long time now my partner’s been on at me about moving to the country. The usual bickers occur – more space, more for your money, you know your neighbours, etc etc. Trouble is, I love living in the city. I love the bright lights, the hustle and bustle, going to the theatre to see the latest show, that the bars are open way past 11pm, and that you don’t have to whisper when you’re coming home to respect the neighbours, because you don’t know them. He’s pretty determined, but so am I! What should I do?


Frustrated in Fulham

Deadpan Cat says:

Dear Frustrated in Fulham,

I don’t much care for the city. I saw it on the magic box in the living room once. It looks like the kind of place a cat like me might wind up flattened by a milk truck.

But then if you don’t like the country, don’t move. Or I overheard the humans talking about com…pro…mice the other day. I thought they were talking about becoming a professional mouse catcher at first and I was about to offer my advice, but apparently it’s when you choose a middle-type solution that makes you both unhappy. Maybe a nice house with a garden (and a cat) just outside of the city? That way you can still be noisy and irresponsible and he can still be boring and old.


Deadpan Cat

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