Darling Lovely Life’s bulls**t dictionary

It’s almost the weekend. We thought we’d end the week on a light-hearted note. Over the last few weeks we’ve noticed an increasing number of bullshit phrases flagged up in our newsfeeds, conversations and general existence. We thought we’d cut through the crap and give you a little guide to what some of these passive aggressive and hilarious statements actually mean. Here’s…

Darling Lovely Life’s Bullshit Dictionary

bullshit

“I’m sorry you’re upset”
I’m not sorry for what I did and I think you’re being unreasonable.

“With all due respect”
I secretly think you’re not due any respect at all and I’m about to tear you down.

“I have a few small changes”
Change everything

bullshit2

“I’m not ignoring you”
But I am avoiding you

“Wow that’s really brave”
I hate it and I couldn’t think of anything nice to say

“You make some interesting points”
I can’t specify what those are because I actually think you’re talking crap

“Not being funny but…”
I’m about to lay into you, but I don’t want to look like an asshole

bullshit3

“I don’t mean to be rude but…”
I’m about to be rude anyway

“I was thinking it could just be the two of us”
Meaning one: I want to sleep with you. Meaning two: I don’t like whoever you were planning to bring along

“I think we should see other people”
I’m already seeing other people – catch up 

bullshit4

“I really love spending time with you”
I’m desperately putting off saying anything committal

“I can’t stay very long”
I’m here out of duty and I’m already making an escape plan

“Make yourself at home”
Make your own damn tea, but touch the biscuits and I’ll cut you

“Sorry I didn’t hear what you said”
I got bored, tuned out and started thinking about what to make for dinner…

1 Comment on Darling Lovely Life’s bulls**t dictionary

  1. Sam
    January 10, 2014 at 8:57 pm (4 years ago)

    I’m not sure if I should be flattered or offended that most of these phrases sound like most of our conversations :D
    Anyway, not to be rude but I can’t stay very long so I’ll just say well done on a brave article ;)

    Reply

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