Happy Friday everyone.
I did have a bumper DIY post for you but *sob* it somehow got flicked into Internet oblivion between writing and posting, so while I put that back together for you, I thought I’d share thirty things that everyone secretly does but nobody talks about.
Nobody’s judging you if you…
♥ Reserve cleaning for when guests come over. When you have visitors, you have to frantically clean up (or pile all the mess into one locked room) and self-deprecatingly apologise for the mess when greeting guests, as if your newly tidied house is usually tidier.
♥ Drink from the carton once in a while.
♥ Eat Nutella with your finger.
♥ Eat peanut butter with your finger. You’re only human.
♥ Pull the occasional sickie with your best Oscar-winning “sick voice”.
♥ Have lengthy and meaningful conversations with your pets.
♥ Bitch about someone as soon as you’ve hung up the phone with them and then panic that they’re still on the line.
♥ Leave your taxes till deadline day. The smug April tax return ninjas are in a minority.
♥ Watch trashy TV reality or talk shows. It doesn’t knock off any IQ points.
Facebook stalked checked out your new partner’s former flames when you first got together.
♥ Don’t watch a critically acclaimed show like Breaking Bad because people have described it to you as “gritty” which you interpreted as “depressing”.
♥ Spend more time than you really want to looking at each painting in a gallery so you look like you’re really appreciating and understanding everything (even if you’re not).
♥ Can’t cook and won’t cook – not everyone was born a master chef.
♥ Talk to yourself out loud when you’re doing things. You’re not losing your mind, you’re being thorough.
♥ Have lengthy conversations with your pet – and your pet answers you.
♥ Stop eating your main course at a restaurant before you’re full because you’re saving room for dessert.
♥ Sing in the shower. In fact, I’m judging if you if you DON’T sing in the shower.
♥ Have a hideously embarrassing teenage crush lurking in your past. Helloooo Zac from Hanson!
♥ Say “let me check my diary” when you don’t have a diary and you’re just buying time until you find an excuse because you don’t want to do something.
♥ Whip your glasses off and hastily rearrange your hair when someone points a camera at you.
♥ Have a shamelessly posh phone voice.
♥ Don’t know how to end a phone conversation. “No, YOU hang up”.
♥ Store buy food for dinner parties and shamelessly accept all resulting compliments.
♥ Tell everyone you think Twilight is crap (it is) but secretly have watched all the movies and read all the books. And the accompanying unpublished book. And the guide to all the characters. I hate myself.
♥ Make funny faces at yourself in the mirror.
♥ Spend an embarrassing amount of time trying to get a selfie right.
♥ Don’t eat the crusts.
♥ Pretend you’ve heard of things to sound cool. Just don’t get caught out like these guys…
♥ Can’t be bothered with parties any more because it means several hours of small talk with people you’ll likely never see again.
♥ Faked a few laughs just to speed along an anecdote…