Deadpan Cat has your best interests at heart… or does he?
My mum wants me closer to home
Dear Deadpan Cat,
I moved away from my home town two years ago to the other side of the country for a great job. I’m really happy and settled up here, love my job, enjoy my life in the countryside and have a wonderful home with my wife. But my mum has never got over the fact that I have moved 250 miles away and makes me feel so guilty all the time. I want to make her happy, but at the same time, I have to live my own life too. What can I do?
Upset Up North
Dear Upset Up North,
I know just how you feel. When I left the litter, I was very sad. I still try to suckle sometimes, but blankets, pillows and people’s laps don’t tend to produce the same quality milk.
Where you came from will always be important to you, but you also have to wander and be your own human. I sometimes go all the way to the back of the car park behind the garden and my human mum gets terribly worried and upset, but a cat’s gotta do what a cat’s gotta do.
I deal with it by miaowing and rustling in the bushes so she can hear me, coming back often enough so she can feed me and being extra affectionate when I am home.
I once accidentally walked over a computer keyboard and called someone on what my humans call “Skype”. It works over this amazing magical box with a thing called the Internet where humans can talk to other humans when they’re far away. They can see each other and everything. Make sure you add your mum to this and tell her how purrrfect she is on a regular basis.
Do you have a problem for Deadpan Cat? Email his cat-to-human interpreter, firstname.lastname@example.org for answers.