The world is full of inspiration for your big day, architecture, design, the Internet, your family, your tastes, nature… everywhere you look is a potential source for wedding day ideas. At times this can be a great thing, particularly if you’re good at honing in on the things that will work for you. However, just as you will inevitably be surrounded with great ideas, there are also things out there that can only serve to distract and distress. To save you the hassle of finding this out on your own, we’ve put together a handy guide on things you can happily ignore in the run up to your wedding day.
Other people’s opinions
So you find your dream dress. Or venue. Or caterer. You bring someone along with you to check it out and they hate it. You feel deflated, and you go with what they like instead of what you like.
What’s wrong with this picture?
There’s something about modern society that discourages independent thought. If I had a penny for every time a friend phoned me up about an important life decision, I’d be very rich. Moreover, if I had a penny for every time I’ve seen someone I care about turn their back on something they really want because it wasn’t what someone else wanted, I’d be equally rich.
There’s nothing wrong with taking other people’s opinions into account, they may even have some good ideas for your big day that you might not have thought of.
But at the end of the day, the only people whose thoughts should matter about something as intimate as a wedding day are the people getting married.
So every time someone bombards you with their opinion and you start to doubt yourself, ask yourself this: what makes their opinion more valid than yours?
What you “should” be doing
Chances are that if you’ve stumbled upon this little corner of the Internet, you like to do things a bit differently. So it can be really disheartening when people start to “should” you to death.
With something like a wedding, with thousands of years of history and tradition behind it, doing your own thing can get people’s backs up. Some people have an idea of what is right and proper and can’t understand if your ideas deviate from that. For example, we decided against booking a wedding venue when the coordinator there nearly had a fit at the idea of us not having a receiving line. For us, the idea of standing there like the king and queen solemnly greeting our guests (most of whom were close friends we talk to every day) was just ludicrous.
The way I see it, tradition is there to give you a framework, a starting point if you will. There are no rules when it comes to a wedding – you’re not legally obliged to throw the bouquet, have a cake or wear a white dress. Do whatever feels right for you and ignore the “should” police.
Comparing yourself to other brides
With so many real weddings about, it’s easy to cross the line from inspiration into wedding envy. Every wedding is different, every bride is different, every budget is different. There is nothing to be gained from comparing yourself to others, you are unique and what you do will not be the same as what any other bride does.
My suggestion would be to look at blogs and magazines when you’re in the right frame of mind to take the right things from doing so. If you’re feeling down on yourself or something isn’t going well with your wedding planning, put away the wedding gawking and save it for a time when you’re feeling better about what you’re doing.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If you WANT to lose weight anyway, do it. I’m not saying that nobody should ever lose weight, or exercise, or diet.
What I take exception to is the idea that everyone who gets married wants to lose weight. Magazines hammer you with weight loss advice, as if suddenly becoming thinner is a prerequisite to getting married. You suddenly feel like you “should” be losing weight (there’s that word again) because it’s the “done” thing.
I’m a healthy 10 – 12. I stayed that way for my wedding day. I think I even gained a few pounds. Even I, usually very level headed, started to feel fat before my wedding day. Why? Because I was constantly bombarded with people asking me when I was starting my effing wedding diet.
So I say filter it all out. If you want to lose a few pounds for you then fine, but you don’t have to, nobody will notice or care if you don’t and the pressure to do so just isn’t healthy.
There’s no faster buzzkill than getting sucked into the inevitable family politics that arise when organising a wedding. No family dynamic is simple and I know so many brides who end up falling over themselves trying to please everyone and just end up frazzled and pleasing nobody, especially not themselves.
Memorise this phrase, you’ll need it: “sort it out amongst yourselves.” You have enough on your plate, it’s not your problem that Auntie Enid won’t come if you invite Auntie Ethel (or that your aunts are named Enid and Ethel). It’s not your problem that your Great Aunt Mildred is offended that she didn’t get an invite when she hasn’t seen you in twenty years (seriously, who’s naming this family?) and it’s definitely not your problem if people can’t suck it up for a day and get along.
When you’re planning a wedding, you have to cut off the invites somewhere. You have to mix people who might not ordinarily like to mix. You might do things that people don’t like. You can’t make it your issue to fix, or trust me, you’ll start to dread planning your wedding.
Can you think of any other wedding dramas to avoid? We’d love to hear from you!