Under the Vintage Veil’s top twenty wedding pet peeves (in no particular order)

Does what it says on the tin. All a matter of personal opinion – no offence intended. Unless you’re a chair cover. 

 Chair covers. I’m sorry if your business is supplying chair covers, I really am. Call it a matter of personal taste. To me they look like dust covers, chair condoms, body bags… No matter which way I look at it all I can see is something that’s covering something up. If you dislike the chairs in your venue, why not compare prices for renting in nicer ones? It will probably end up costing around the same as renting chair covers anyway. Here are some chair cover alternatives for you to ponder!

My wedding set up – not a chair cover in sight – Image © Satureyes

♥ Icky venue carpets. I know, I know – some venues have heavily patterned, dark, gaudy carpets because they hide dirt better. But there’s nothing like a hideous carpet to ruin an otherwise beautiful space. I can’t count the times I’ve visited an otherwise lovely venue and wanted desperately to rip up the carpet and replace it with wood, clean white or something just… nicer!

 Tilted wedding photos. Is anyone else feeling seasick?

 This is a controversial one – group wedding photos. Yes, they definitely serve a purpose – but for some reason I’m never interested in looking at massive group shots of everyone in attendance, even if I know everyone. I’d love to see the group wedding shot replaced with something more original. Guests holding up placards? Guests in a signature colour? Guests arranged into a heart shape? Let’s get creative!

Photos where nobody looks happy. Smile – it’s your wedding day!

Interfering family and friends. It’s not your wedding. Stop it.

 Vendors who slap hidden costs on everything once they have your deposit. They’re a minority, but they’re out there *narrows eyes*.

 Grooms and groom’s friends with Peter Pan syndrome. You only have to watch Don’t Tell the Bride to see how seriously some people take their wedding day *cough*.

 Diamantes in a flower bouquet. I don’t know why.

 Crying babies during a wedding ceremony. I’ve sat through entire services where I couldn’t hear a single word of the vows – the most important part. I’m definitely an advocate of babies at weddings, but if you’re a new mum for the love of God sit at the end of the row so you can make a swift exit of your baby starts a-bawling!

 Fancy dress weddings. Theme it, then pull it back a little – fake blood + wedding dress = recipe for disaster.

♥ Anyone who tells the bride to “calm down.”

 The boring bits that you have to pay for even though they aren’t pretty: like licenses for things or fees or VAT. Boo.

♥ Amateur photographers shooting weddings and wondering why the images are disappointing. Book a professional. Trust me.

 Those little champagne-bottle party poppers – or just general plasticky table decorations.

 Balloon arches. There are so many creative and cool ways to use balloons – giant oversized balloons on the ceiling, clusters of pastel balloons on each table… there’s just no need to commission a big, plastic arch. Unless you’re having a nineties-themed wedding, leave its décor in that decade!

Balloons can be fabulous! Image © Emma Lucy Photography

♥ Overly crude and graphic best man speeches. Make a couple of risqué jokes, sure, but leave out the gory details please!

♥ That American thing where they smash cake into each other’s faces. Nobody wants cake eye on their wedding day. Or any day, for that matter.

 Fist pumping. I don’t exactly know what it is but I don’t approve. Ah the youth of today.

 And last, but by no means least, wedding day tantrums. Don’t sweat about things you can’t change at the last minute, relax and enjoy your day!

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