As you know Sara is taking a break and so John and I are helping as much as we can. I wrote this post for Sara last week knowing that she had every intention of posting, so it is just being posted a little earlier than expected. The reason behind this post was mainly to get back to basics and see that with all the excitement and planning up to a wedding, suddenly afterwards there is this big gap which was ‘The Wedding’ …what does happen afterwards? So here is my account of my first year of marriage.
Since getting married in May 2011 so many things have happened to me and not all of them have been good. But the main thing has been that I have had a husband through every up and down.
On my wedding day; the highs were seeing my to be husband for the first time after a long morning, saying “I will” and walking into a plume of confetti. My low on my wedding day; was crying as I watched my mother & father choke back tears during an emotional speech.
In 2003 my world was shaken when my father suffered a freak accident on his motorcycle and suffered the worst brain injury John Radcliffe in Oxford has seen. Notably now you would never know, as my father displays a happy-go-lucky attitude and can walk/talk like any normal person. But has a 35 year gap in memory and short term memory loss. So a wedding speech from my father- who cannot remember when I was born and my life, had pretty much the entire wedding guests in tears.
After the wedding I had my first down. A nightmare. Weirdly I suffered an anxiety nightmare on my wedding night. I put it down to the amount of adrenaline that was cursing through my body fuelled by some alcohol. I just remember sitting bolt upright and slapping my head and screaming (I dreamt I had a crab in my hair and I have no idea why). That was the first time in my marriage my husband rescued me from a fictitious crab.
I got my own back with the dream, as we went to cornwall for a 4 day break. We went crab fishing, and I succeeded for the first time in my life and marriage to catch crabs (punn not intended) we stayed in an idyllic location at Watergate Bay and really made use of all the activities; kite flying, local sites, beach walking and most of all fantastic food.
After the mini-moon I had another low. I had to say goodbye to my best friend who had flown over from Australia to be my Maid of Honour. It is such a hard thing for me to say goodbye to my loved ones. She has been my rock since the age of 5 and we are have been back and forth visiting each other since her family moved. I think I cried like a baby at the airport and my husband had to console me with hugs and chocolate.
Going back to work… wow the euphoric feeling of the wedding comes crashing down back to reality. As I was still part of a fundraising team, I was back and working on summer events. I was still on a high when at home as I couldn’t wait to see my wedding photos. A lot of people asked me within the first month “How does it feel?” and “Is being married any different?” My overall answer was “I feel pretty much the same just less stressed”, which was because I had lived with my man for 5 years so there was definitely no surprises. The only difference? Saying goodbye/hello every day by greeting each other affectionately with our new names of Husband and Wife.
Wedding Photos- High. Receiving a link to our wedding photos and trawling through so many to pick our favourite 300. We sat together husband and wife, glass of wine in hand crying and laughing threw our memories.
A couple of months in and I was rebelling and it was a huge low. I was eating anything I wanted, sleeping, ignoring friends and I felt like I had a good excuse. I had been made redundant and was about to turn 30. I was seriously down in the dumps and nothing could change my mood.My interest in Weddings and Planning events was probably the only thing that kept me going. Having no luck with job searches and feeling that I was ‘no where near’ my idea of what a 30 year old should be doing. I plodded on and my husband was by my side. He kept me going, he held my hand and took me out to see people. It may have been a low in my life but my husband was my rock.
The new year was a high. Cracking open a bottle of wedding champagne and using our crystal wedding flutes for the first time; was breathtakingly relaxed and fun. Just us.
January was a High. I was meeting new people in the wedding industry and my husband’s work was picking up (he is a self employed camera grip for TV). We were having fun enjoying where things were taking us. I was being asked to help on inspired shoots and felt that things were picking up for me. Having decided to concentrate on my interests in the Wedding industry I plunged myself into helping others- which is what I am good at.
February-April; my husband and I were passing ships in the night. I have been used to this since we started dating, rarely seeing him and sometimes being apart for more than a month at a time. I was travelling the country doing shoots and planning, he was filming. However I class this as a high, it is because we alway send texts during the day and always cal before bed every night. I cant remember a day going by that we have never told each other ‘I love you’ or a night without saying ‘goodnight’ ; it is just how we work.
In May coming up to our 1st anniversary; we had probably one of our biggest arguments to date during the year. We were both busy to the lead up of the anniversary and had both thought the other was planning something and to top it off we were both going to be working right up to the day and after it. I had to fly to Glasgow…. and there was the main argument. Money and time. Slammed doors, crying, raised voices, and no “I love you’s’. Just plain red infuriating non-communication errors.
How I get past an arguments with my husband is something I have learnt threw years of living with him. In the event of shouting from my own parents as a child I would go and hide; so as an adult I am just as bad. He gets louder and louder and the more he shouts then more his fury rises. Previously I used to match the volume and get flustered and upset. Now I play a tactical role in any of our arguments, a good friend once told me that people like me who cannot express themselves properly when their partner shouts at them should listen, wait and talk back quietly. So to every shout my husband gave, I spoke quietly in my non-confrontational voice. Slowly he began to match my voice. We realised that really we are only arguing because we were disappointed in not being able to spend more than a few hours with each other. It was all about quality time and our love which had made us upset.
Lows are sometimes followed by highs. After the 3 day argument we devised a plan. Go to a local attraction and have dinner. Which we did, and although it was not the most romantic of days for our first anniversary, we exchanged cards,I got us a gift of a printed wedding album-which we had been planning to do, and we had a dinner. It was a fantastic day of just us, lovely. Unfortunately it just so happened that I also got food poisoning, which threw my bouts of sickness my husband stayed up until 3am with me knowing he had a 5am wake-up call.
I have never exclaimed to know what love is, nor have I ever expected it to be cloud nine every single day of married life. I just wanted us to grow as a couple and live a healthy relationship. After getting married a lot of girls feel down after the euphoria, it is understandable. But I have always believed that your wedding day is only the start of happiness, and even though life throws lows to you, you should know that you have your husband to hold your hand and pull you back into a rising high every time.
If any of you feel that you would like to comment on any worries or opinions about what I have written or would like to share your own experiences of ‘post wedding’ information. Please do comment below, Love Meryl x