I’m the first to admit it – I’m a terrible worrier when it comes to my own wedding. It’s still months away and I’m already waking up in a cold sweat after one of THOSE dreams where everything’s gone wrong! It got me thinking about the most common wedding fears – and how to banish those jitters in the months leading up to your wedding.
The dress will be all wrong
You spent months flipping through magazines, you trawled through countless shops (did you know they don’t all give you champagne? Movies lie) you tried on every style under the sun. Finally, you saw it, the dress of your dreams. It was love at first sight. You put it on and never wanted to take it off. You obsessed over it until finally, you rushed back to the shop, eyes wild with excitement and put down your deposit. And they all lived happily ever after… right?
Well, not always. Then comes the worry. You see, you usually buy a dress, wear it while you still feel great about it and the whole process means you carry yourself with confidence. However, buying a wedding dress is sort of like being in a long-distance relationship. You sort of remember the dress, but you don’t remember the feeling of wearing it, that magical first look… you start to forget its detail… and then you see other dresses, dresses that are nothing like the one you chose. Even though, deep down, you know you love your original dress, you can’t help but wonder “what if”.
Then there’s the supply worries – you’ve heard horror stories about dresses falling apart halfway through the speeches, orders going missing, shops closing down. You start to wonder, not only if you’ve chosen the right dress, but if you’ll have a dress at all.
Banish those worries
I’m 100% sure that if you fell in love with your dress when you tried it on, you’ll fall in love with it all over again on the day. Sure, there are other dresses – but ANY dress you chose will be different to the five other styles you liked when you tried them on – and you can’t have ALL the dresses. I once heard of a bride who bought five different dresses in her quest for the perfect dress, so indecisive was she. However, we don’t all have the luxury of chronic indecision and for the most part, if we shelled out big bucks for a dress in the first place, it’s because we meant business. My remedy? FORGET ABOUT THE DRESS. I know, that sounds almost impossible, but just don’t think about it. Forget you even have a dress, and certainly don’t look at other dresses. If you over-examine your dress, analyse and over-think the whole thing you’ll convince yourself out of it.
Moreover if you haven’t seen your dress in several months, it will be an amazing surprise on the day.
Finally, banish those quality-assurance fears by checking your shop is legit and getting insurance. That’s pretty easy to do, for example, I bought a Justin Alexander dress, before I put any money down, I checked the Justin Alexander site to see if my shop was a registered stockist. It’s not paranoia, it’s protecting yourself. In fact, that goes for all suppliers, see this great guide on avoiding bad wedding suppliers for more info,
Nothing will be ready on the day
My most frequent wedding dream is that the wedding has been moved forward to, say, TOMORROW and there’s no food, the decorations aren’t even close to finished, my dress hasn’t been altered, and I haven’t prepared myself at all to walk down the aisle.
So many brides panic about last-minute details and, instead of enjoying what should be the most amazing day of their lives, end up having a meltdown over seating plans and centrepieces.
Banish those worries
Repeat after me: “my wedding will be perfect.” And THIS is why. While yes, it’s fun to plan your wedding down to the last detail, and at the time that detail seems absolutely crucial, in the long run, the after-effect of a wedding is that you’re married. Forever. Every time you panic about something going wrong on the day, remind yourself of the one thing that needs to go right. Everything else is just dressing.
On a practical note, if you’re really worried about forgetting things, then appoint a right-hand woman/man that you really trust, like your maid of honour, and come up with a list of things that need to be done. Then delegate those tasks among your really trusted friends and accept their help. You’d do it for their day, after all.
I’ll fluff my lines, or trip up walking down the aisle
I’ll let you in on a little secret here. It’s not entirely down to my feminist sentiments that both my parents are walking me down the aisle… I didn’t even know that was a Jewish thing until a family member pointed it out to me. One of my ulterior motives (and I’m still a feminist after you read this – cause I said so) is that I can have arm support on both sides so I don’t fall over in my heels.
Also, I have extensive training in public speaking. I’ve never been nervous making a speech, arguing political motions, even at job interviews. However, faced with the prospect of sharing my deepest feelings for the man I love in front of all those people makes me want to hide under the duvet and never get out. Don’t get me wrong, he’s the absolute love of my life, but I have trouble articulating that without blushing and hiding even to him… in private… so how am I going to express myself adequately, and without falling apart, in front of everyone we both know?
Banish those worries
First of all, break those shoes in. Walk around the house in them so you don’t scuff them, but do it regularly, particularly in the run up to your wedding. They need to start to feel like an extension of your feet. It’s also worth investing a little extra and getting actual wedding shoes, as opposed to high street shoes, particularly if you’re not a confident walker. The reason being, the heels are usually lower and there’s more support. Basically, they’re also built for comfort. The Rachel Simpson shoes I’ve bought, for example, are unbelievably comfy (and so pretty I cry a little when I hold them). Still, I’m going to have a pair of back up ballet pumps on the night, just in case!
When it comes to saying your vows, what can I say? I’m still struggling with the prospect of this. However, I’ve been told to focus only on my other half – and say my vows only to him. And remember, everyone who’s attending your wedding is there because they love you and want to see you happy – even if you stumble over your words, you’ll feel a river of support coming your way.
Do you have any wedding fears I haven’t listed here? Or a wedding day dilemma you can’t quite get your head around? Email me, firstname.lastname@example.org to have your question answered. You will remain anonymous.