A groom’s perspective #2 – How involved should you be?

The Shabby Chic Bride ran a quiz a while back, which figured out whether brides were in the following categories: bridezilla, way-too-laid-back, and two middle-ground options leaning either way respectively. While I remember scoffing that 10 questions does not an accurate evaluation make, on second thoughts it seems to me that grooms can also fall into one of four categories:

Photo credit – The Bliss Weddings Blog

1. The Groomzilla. I am yet to meet or even hear of a groomzilla, but legend has it they probably are out there. The Groomzilla is unbending, and has exactly the right idea about how the wedding should be run, styled and executed. Think how stubborn we are when asking for directions. Apply this to a wedding. Can you imagine telling your bride what you want her to wear?? Rinse, repeat, prepare divorce papers!

2. The “I want to stamp my mark on this wedding” groom. Far more common than the Groomzilla, this groom goes along with what his bride-to-be wants, but will insist that certain things are done “his way,” without exception. This could take many forms: oddball bits of decoration, insistence that the groom and ushers wear a certain type of suit, or inviting friends he’s not seen for years.

3. The hands-off groom. Otherwise known as the “yes dear” groom. If this groom were any more laid back he’d be lying down. Brides, don’t expect any resistance to any wedding ideas from this guy, but also don’t expect any help in organising, planning, thinking, or really anything other than showing up. This may seem ideal in the short run, but I’d wager the complete lack of interest will eventually drive the bride bananas (and doesn’t bode well for the rest of the marriage – “what do you mean, you’re going into labour? The footie’s on”)!

4. The helpful groom. This groom (and I hope I’m one of these!) knows that the bride has has a picture in her mind of what her wedding will be like. He knows his own limitations: he doesn’t know much about centrepieces and flowers, and what he does know about shabby chic could fit into a very small (distressed wood – see, I listen!) box. He won’t interfere in the details, and he’s sort of a variation on the “yes dear” groom, but he will offer constructive advice about practicality and logistics. Brides, if this is your groom, let him help where he’s needed. Let him call marquee suppliers and deal with the venue. Let him call the caterers and haggle. He’ll feel like he’s making a positive contribution to the wedding and allow the bride to make the day amazing.

Grooms: no matter which category you fall into, always try to remember that this is a special day for you both. It’s about celebrating the love you two share for one another. Know what you’re good at and know what you’re not so good at, and offer to help with the former! Also remember that (and forgive the sexist generalisation here) many women have been thinking about their wedding day since they were children – I’m willing to bet most grooms haven’t.

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