Don’t Tell the Bride review – Series 5 Episode 2 – Josh and Stacie

What a difference a week makes! While last week’s Don’t Tell the Bride had me shaking my fist at the TV, and yelling at my own, poor, blameless hubby to be… just for being male… this week restored my faith in relationships!

Gloucester “rugby lad” Josh has to please his bride Stacie – who kicks off the show with the words “can we just remember it’s all about me?” Good luck, Josh.

Josh sets about choosing a venue – and from the start it’s clear he’s taking the process seriously. Good thing, Stacie isn’t very easy to please. She wants to get married “where lords and ladies used to live” – complete with a banner of… her own face! Oook… This is a bride who definitely knows what she wants. She wants canapes. She just doesn’t know what they are. No, seriously, she doesn’t know what canapes are… moving on…

Meanwhile Josh has found his dream venue. The only problem is it costs £22k… that seems somewhat excessive to me… but then what do I know? Hiring it for two hours costs less – but now he’ll have to face the inevitable disappointment of having the ceremony there and having to cart everyone off somewhere naff. Say, like a rugby club? Yup. But I’ll forgive him, because he means well.

When I first hear the words “Jamaican and Irish theme”, I have to be honest, I’m not holding my breath for anything amazing. After last week’s tinsel and fluorescent lights fiasco, I’m expecting nothing short of semi-offensive tack. But hold that thought, because Josh is about to go dress shopping.

Walking into the wedding dress shop, he announces: “we’re looking for a wedding dress.”

The usual Don’t Tell the Bride mayhem ensues – she hates sweetheart necklines. He goes for a sweetheart neckline. Some pantomime-style heckling ensues from my sofa. Hubby to be hands me a cupcake and I calm down.

After the painful dress shopping comes the hen night. He sends her to the bingo. But it’s OK, cause he’s just kidding! After the bingo comes the party. Basically, it’s everything I hate about hen parties, but she seems happy. And he didn’t go to a strip club and puke everywhere for his stag do – instant brownie points.

Anyway, this groom was very sweet throughout. He constantly thought of what his bride would want and he didn’t lose his cool – apart from when he had to pick eight bridesmaids dresses. But shopping with eight women would be enough to make any guy lose it right? There was a particularly sweet moment where he sent his bride to be a flower from each of their respective traditions.

The big day arrives – and the castle ceremony goes down a treat. However, it looks like a quickie divorce is on the cards when she gets out of the car to see the rugby club – complete with randomers having a drink at the bar. But lo and behold, Josh had the good sense to hire a venue dressing service! The poky rugby club was transformed into a veiled heaven – and even the Irish and Jamaican theme worked out! 

Join me next Tuesday at 9pm on BBC3 for more Don’t Tell the Bride action! In the meantime, leave me some comments! What did you think of Josh’s efforts? Let me know!

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