Wedding etiquette dilemmas – the Shabby Chic Bride way #1

OK, I’m the first to admit that this Shabby Chic Bride has hardly been through finishing school. But I do have the benefit of mulling (and agonising) some of the more difficult dilemmas. So, I’m going to hang up my Shabby Chic hat and become an agony aunt for the purposes of this post. This week I’ll be going through a few classic dilemmas and telling you what I would do about them.* First up is the classic kids at a wedding question…

*Disclaimer – what I would do is not necessarily the objectively correct, polite, or moral thing to do. I accept no responsibility if you take my advice and it blows up in your face :) Just kidding.

Dilemma: I don’t want kids at my wedding – but I know this will offend people. Help!

There are some couples that go all gooey at the thought of rosy cheeked little ones running around and enjoying a wedding. There are some for whom the thought of a baby screaming over their “I dos” is intolerable. If you fall into the latter category, you may want to consider a child ban at the wedding.

First of all you need to decide on a cut off age. Is it just babies that are facing the ban? Under 16s? Under 18s? Once you decide on a cut off you need to stick to it. Seriously, you’ll ruffle a lot of feathers if you make any exceptions. The only way around this is to appoint the kids you DO want there as flower girl, page boy etc. etc. but even that might anger a particularly touchy guest.

Then you need to break the news that your friends and family will have to leave their little darlings at home. This isn’t always easy and the most tactful way to do it is to say that the party is going on late and that it’s adults only. It’s better to couch it that way than to bluntly write “no kids allowed”. I’ve read a lot of rubbish about how if you only NAME the adults on the invites they’ll magically know that only means them. Load of crap if you ask me. Before you were involved in weddings would you have had any clue about the coded wording of a wedding invite? Best to tell it straight to avoid embarrassment and confusion later on.

If you really can’t stick to your guns but can’t bear the thought of the moment you declare your infinite love for someone interrupted by a grumpy infant, then it might be worth investing in a childminder or creche facility away from the main event. That way people can have peace of mind knowing their kids are close by but your wedding will also go off without a hitch… unless someone objects!

Good luck!


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